Dear Diary
by Salome Sensei
Summary: Naughty Kagome tells all her hottest secrets to her Diary. Adults only, please! New entries July and August 2011! Tentacles, anyone?
1. Entry 1

Dear Diary,

© Salome Wilde, 2008

Dear Diary

Author's Note: I don't think I've ever written 1000 words so quickly. This one just wrote itself. I laughed writing it and hope you do reading it.

Dear Diary,

You know how I believe that every day we should learn something new? I mean not in school (which I haven't gone to in so long I don't think I'm even on the roll anymore), but in terms of life and stuff. Well, I learned something new today: Kikyo's pussy smells like ginger. I kid you not. I mean I know she was brought back to life from bones and dirt and stuff, but I didn't think there'd be ginger in there, too. Maybe it was an ingredient required for the magic Urasue used to recreate her? Anyway, it's weird but it's true.

Fortunately, it doesn't taste as strong as it smells because the way she was forcing my head down there would've burned my tongue if it weren't more in the scent than the flavor. I suppose I should tell how I ended up eating Kikyo's haka, but it's not like I'm going to forget and anyway it's the fact that it tastes like ginger that is what is important. But what the heck: I decided I needed to know what all Inuyasha's crushed-out weirdness was about, and if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right?

So, everybody's really exhausted from our last bout with the grossest-of-the-gross Naraku (and I swear no matter how many yokai and hanyo I fuck—without anyone knowing it except you Diary—I will never fuck Naraku), and I say, "Hey, I gotta go back down the well for a couple of days and take a test-o." That always works. Sure, whenever I say this I do eventually go home so I can come back with ramen and chips and stuff and prove I've been there, and besides my family likes to pretend they miss me and care about whether I get eaten by demons or whatever. Plus, I never know when Inuyasha might show up to get me. But, if no one escorts me (and sometimes I have to pretend to get really pissed off at Inuyasha so they won't), then the first day is always about that "learn something new" thing and usually the new thing to learn is more about fucking.

So back to Kikyo. After I'd gotten over the whole "take him to hell with me" thing Kikyo pulled, I started to really wonder what her appeal was. She definitely has the whole "cool as a cucumber thing" down, especially since she's dead and all, but what else? Totally out-of-date hairstyle (I mean even for the Feudal Period), robes that don't show her figure or even if she has one, and about as much personality as a stick. But Inuyasha actually loved her—probably still does—and I just wanted to know.

So, Diary, instead of going down the well, I went to the village where we'd last seen her and there she is, with a bunch of little kids around her, planting potatoes or something. It's just before sundown, so I do my best "polite girl" posture and smile big and ask if I can come into her hut for a little while to talk. She gives me the blank stare (which is just like Sesshomaru and I swear he fucks like a whole pack of dogs—takes me days to wash off that stink), but she lifts the door-covering and motions me in.

We sit by the little firepit and she offers me tea, which I kind of wonder if I should drink or not because maybe she'll just poison me and take over my body or something that people who come back from the dead in bone-dirt bodies and eat souls do. But I drink and she drinks and I realize she isn't going to say anything if I don't. So I do. I say, "Kikyo, I know Inuyasha loves you. Don't you think it would just be easier if we were all friends?" I cock my head like the sweet little schoolgirl I am and adjust my position so my skirt rides up even higher than usual to see if she'll take the bait. She seems a bit baffled, though it's hard to tell what emotion she's feeling because she continues the facial stonewalling. (Again, she could be Sesshomaru's twin—I swear they'd make a great couple—cold as ice until they're fucking your brains out). So I continue. "In my time, we show forgiveness and welcome new friends with a kiss," I say, and I move around the firepit until my crotch is right at the level of her face, and then I squat down and plant one on her.

I don't think I've ever seen anyone go from cold to hot so fast. Before I know it, she's groping and feeling me up as if we've known each other a lifetime. (Which, in a weird kind of way, of course, we kind of have.) And she's strong. She strips my clothes off like a pro and in a flash she's pinned me and is grinding that ginger puss in my face. I may have been caught off-guard, but I am not going to be outdone, so I dig right in. She cums much faster than I thought she would, which is great for the first time and I'm seriously proud of myself (practice on Sango has helped my technique quite a bit and she's fun, when I can talk her into it—she doesn't give but in the right mood she receives). And then she turns the tables and by the time I leave there she's licked and sucked me raw.

I don't know if I'll see Kikyo again soon, Diary, but she did say I'm welcome anytime.

Yikes, gotta run: Koga's come to visit and I need to go play hard to get some more. (That horny wolf is so obvious; I love to make him sweat.)

Dewa kore de!

Kagome

…

Author's Note: This story was inspired in large part by a jenerikbrand crackfic in which Miroku compares how his companions kiss. It was equally inspired by my need to make Kagome a rampant slut. I'm wondering whether I need to write more chapters or call this a oneshot!


	2. Entry 2

Dear Diary,

© Salome Wilde, 2008

Entry 2

Author's Note: I can't stop writing this. It's too fun.

Dear Diary,

You will not believe what just happened. They totally conned me. I actually lost track of the number of times I made Inuyasha sit afterwards, and he was right when he said he hadn't done a thing to deserve it. It really is ridiculous the way everyone believes me and takes my side whenever I'm mean to him. I mean I'm not saying he doesn't deserve it most of the time, but it's amazing what you can get away with when you're a cute girl.

But back to what I was saying. You know how my panties each have the day of the week embroidered on them (thanks, mom!) so I can keep straight which are clean and which are dirty—since everything I own is in one little backpack? Well, I needed to wash out Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, and I usually invite Miroku to help. He loves to wash the Wednesday ones especially because they're pink with a lacy white edge and he really goes for that kind of thing. I've tried to give a pair to Sango as a hint, but she just looked at me weird. The girl just doesn't get the whole feminine thing. Her kimono outfit looks like some old lady's unmatched laundry and that slayer superchick look is out of a bad kung-fu movie. But soon I find out that I'm way behind the game as far as what Miroku likes.

I go look for the monk to give him the old sniff-my-Wednesday-panties routine, and I can't find him anywhere. Not missing a beat, I notice that Sango seems to be missing, too. Kirara is napping in that incredibly cute little curled-up position, nose tucked into a fluffy tail. I see it and I can't help but burst out with a "Kawaiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" that interrupts the fight Inuyasha is having with Shippo over the new Godzilla comic book I brought them from last time I was home. They glare at me, and then go back to their shouting. They think Godzilla is the best thing ever, and instead of arguing over who gets to carry the comic (their usual subject), they're debating whether the monster's fire-breath could penetrate Naraku's miasma. No wonder Inuyasha isn't interested in sex most of the time. He's such a child. Not surprising Kikyo died a virgin.

Anyhow, I give up and just go to the river. And who do I see there, sucking cock like she was born to do it, but Sango! And whose cock? Miroku's! I'm not much into watching, but in this case it's even worse because just the other day when Miroku was "anointing" my ass, which is what he likes to call rimming (he has such an ass fetish it's not even funny), he denied totally that he and Sango were getting it on. Sango denies it completely, too, but then, that girl acts like she never even takes a shit, so there you go. Point is, they are both _total liars_! They're both doing it with me (much more Miroku than Sango, of course) and then saying there's nothing at all between them. Miroku even complains to me that she's an uptight prude just to get more off me. Which is no problem, really, because he's better in the sack when he's got some guilt going on.

Thinking about all that, I'm wondering if maybe this is the first time for them, so I decide to stay and watch. It's kinda hot. I'm also betting with myself about whether Sango will spit or swallow but it's an easy hundred-to-one against, and mostly I just enjoy the action. I like the look on Miroku's face for sure. His eyes are open, watching that shaft slide into her small, pretty mouth, and his hand is in her hair and he's got the grin of the cat that ate the canary on his lecherous, pretty-boy face. As he gets close to popping, I hear him murmur something to Sango, and she lifts off and shakes her head, blushing. Though I can't hear the words, I know he's asking to fuck her and I know she's saying no. As sure as I am that she a spitter, I'm even more sure that she's still a virgin and isn't going to give that up so easy. Miroku begs a bit and then gives up, but he does propose some reciprocity. Though the priss won't take her kimono off, she does hike it up and soon he's pumping her with two fingers while licking her clit and she's doing her best to keep up with the sucking. She's not a multitasker, that girl. But she's into this.

And suddenly, so am I. Two cool, long-nailed fingers are shoved up my skirt from behind, around the elastic in my black Thursday thong, and thrust into my pussy, which is wetter than I thought after watching the two liars going at it. After some good slick stroking, the fingers slip out and get rammed up my ass. Good thing I was wet because Sesshomaru is not someone who can be bothered with lubricant. He hikes me hard by my skewered rear (I love that) and gets me into position to take that huge inuyokai cock of his, which is far more like a dog's than I would have guessed. I can't concentrate on anyone but myself once he's filling me up front and back and riding me like the bitch in heat I can't help but be when he does me. I'm panting away, loving every second of it. Between that cock and that wicked growl of his, I'm just lost. I don't even mind anymore that he doesn't kiss. I just make sure he doesn't cum on my clothes when he pulls out. And yes, he always pulls out. Neither one of us wants to make puppies, thank you. (But if I do, Diary, you know it's gonna be with Inuyasha! He'll make the cutest Daddy!)

Sesshomaru is hitting my g-spot just right, and I bring a hand down to finger my clit. Sooner than I expected, my climax hits. I stifle my moans so Miroku and Sango don't hear, and in a corner of my mind I think about how stupid that is. If I have to know about them, why can't they know about me and Sesshomaru? But no, I definitely don't want Inuyasha to know I boff his brother and big-mouth Miroku would totally tell him. Then I'll never get a chance at Inuyasha. Anyway, when I cum and my muscles start to do that contracting thing, it pushes Sesshomaru right over the edge like always and he slams into me so hard I almost lose my balance. Damn, that demon can fuck.

Because I'm dressed and neither of us wants me smelling any more like him than I already do, he jerks onto the ground (his usual preference is my back and ass if we have the privacy for being naked), and at that moment I open my eyes to see Sango spit! I would've laughed except that Sesshomaru had just yanked his fingers out of my ass and it hurt like hell. Those damn claws leave me sore for days. As usual, he's gone without a word.

Miroku's pumping Sango hard with his fingers in a way I don't do (it's hard to keep your mouth and hand working at the same time) but he's really good at. Listening to that little choking sob she makes just before she cums, I start to think about how I'm going to pay them back. But I'm just not that type, and anyhow I got some, too. So, like I said, I just took my annoyance at being lied to out on Inuyasha. Poor guy. If only he knew how little his actions have to do with all the times I make him sit. Maybe one of these days he'll wise up and figure out how easy it would be to keep me in a better mood. I bet those little fangs would feel so good scraping my nipples.

Oh well, back to shard-hunting!

Dewa kore de!

Kagome


	3. Entry 3

Entry 3

Author's Note: My husband says this one's kinda sweet.

Dear Diary,

So there I am, hitting the sack early because it's been a long day of demon-slaying and I'm totally pooped. Inuyasha does his weird big-brother thing with me, asking if I'm sick and getting Sango to come feel my forehead. Miroku suggests he'll stay the night by my side and Sango gives him the withering look that only a virgin can really pull off. I shoo them all away and snuggle under the Hello Kitty blanket I brought from home because it's getting cool out. Also, it's useful when I want to masturbate. I get my hand down there and summon my favorite image of late: Inuyasha fucking me and Sesshomaru sitting on my face while the two of them kiss over me. I know it's a stupid image because if it ever really happens (yeah, right) then I won't be able to actually see them kiss. But still it's great for getting me off. I consider adding Bankotsu to the gang bang, and that shoots me up like a rocket.

Just as I'm about to pop, though, little Shippo comes up and whispers "Are you asleep, Kagome?" in that ridiculously kawaii voice of his. Well, I really Really REALLY hate getting interrupted right when I'm gonna cum and especially when I'm so tired and just really craving the way a good climax helps me sleep. But you can't get mad at Shippo. Or anyway I can't. Especially because when I coddle Shippo it pisses off Inuyasha and the angrier he is the cuter he is. Even Sango thinks so, and she's the only person I know who doesn't want a piece of him.

So, I try to calm my breathing and slip my hand out from between my legs without Shippo noticing, and I say I'm awake and ask what's wrong. I sit up on my elbows and notice that the little guy is beet red and looking either like he's gotta pee and has been holding it in too long or he wants to ask me something embarrassing. It's the latter. When he actually spits it out, I can't believe it. He wants to know where babies come from. Dammit, I'm thinking to myself, why me?

First thing I do is ask him why he is asking me. He pouts that he has no parents to ask, and I get the creepy image in my head again of that hideous Thunder Brother Manten wearing his father's skin like a designer belt. It's horrible, and every time I think of it I feel like I have to do something nice for the poor kid. But the birds and the bees?! Argh!

So, I tell him that he's too young. And he proves my point by sobbing and jumping up and down like he does and says he'll hold his breath until he turns blue if I don't tell him. Inuyasha is trying to get a little rest himself, and he screams a threat of bodily violence on Shippo that, of course, I have to respond to. It's either make him sit or be on Shippo's side, and I pick the latter, just for something different. Inuyasha hates it when I take Shippo's side, so once again it gets me that hot look on his doggy face and I'm happy.

Next, I try the old "girls tell girls and boys tell boys" approach. I tell him that Miroku is really the one to tell him. How he's not only a wise monk but a skirt-chaser, and between the two he's definitely best qualified. Shippo, though, gives me the big wide eyes and says he couldn't possibly go to Miroku. It's like peeing in front of him, I guess.

Before giving in, I use a little reverse psychology. I ask him why he wants to know. Is there a girlfriend lurking (again)? Has he been having certain feelings? Is his body changing? All of this gets either a no or a non-committal shrug. When I finally wring it out of him, I learn that he and Inuyasha were having a debate this morning over the subject and he simply could not believe the story the hanyo had told him. It seemed to involve too many body parts that he felt could not possibly have anything to do with babies at all. When he gave this opinion, Inuyasha punched him. Shippo points to the back of his head where he's still got a little lump. I swear that kid must have brain damage by now from how many times Inuyasha has whacked him.

Now I'm catching on, though, and I know what to do. I ask Shippo what he thinks is the truth. He puffs up proudly and says that he thinks there are these creatures that are like Shinidamachu, but instead of collecting the souls of the dead, they collect new baby souls and bring them to parents while they sleep. The parents have to really want the baby and they send out their energy and the baby-soul insects drop them onto the earth beside them and they sprout into babies.

My mouth drops open as he tells me this story. I am certain now about the brain damage, and heaven knows there's enough in his life to cause it. Not only seeing his Dad end up as a fashion statement and being used as a punching bag by a traveling companion, but just hanging around a bunch of outcast freaks like us as we battle some of the creepiest shit ever known to human- or demon-kind and witness constant torture and death on a pretty big scale…I mean, that's got to fuck you up right there.

Being the good big sister I am, I just pat the little fox on the head and tell him he is absolutely right. He smiles big, says he knew it all along and that Inuyasha owes him all his ramen for a month, and trots off to bed.

Needless to say, getting back to my masturbatory fantasies isn't really an option anymore, and it's too much risk to try to slip off with Miroku. So I go sit next to Inuyasha and rest my head on his shoulder. He grouses but lets me. He clueless and immature, but there's something so damn cuddly about him. And when I'm gentle, he even lets me stroke his ears.

Dewa kore de,

Kagome


	4. Entry 4

© Salome Wilde, 2008

Dear Diary

Author's Note: Written to answer a squick dare. And what Kagome wants in this chapter definitely squicks me bigtime.

Entry 4

Dear Diary,

It worked! I can't believe it! I'm gonna be a bride!

(Ugh, I hate to write those words in this stupid Naruto notebook that I stole from Sota, but I only have to because my plan _actually worked_!)

It happened like this: Inuyasha saw me writing yesterday (it was going to be about Koga tying me up and making me giving him something Miroku calls a "rim-and-tail job"), and he grabbed the book from me to read it. I pretended to be all flipped out about it, reaching and trying to get it in a girly way that actually comes pretty naturally to me. But this time I was faking it because I want him to read it, every bit of it. That's the plan.

And when he's done reading it, I'm in tears—and I mean real tears—because he's got this terrible look on his face like he doesn't know me anymore. I worry I've gone too far. Thank heavens, that passes, though, and he shreds the book to bits with his beautiful claws right before my eyes. My writing and little Hello Kitty images are flying everywhere like confetti. Then, he grabs me by the shoulders and looks so deeply into my eyes I could pass out. I'm worrying because if he just throws me down and takes me, I don't know what I'll do. I may have written all those things, Diary, but you and I both know I haven't done a single one of them! Miroku has been such an incredible help, telling me all the things to write that will really freak Inuyasha out. And he was _so right_!

Anyway, Inuyasha brings his face really close to mine. And he says, "Kagome, someone needs to make an honest woman of you!" And I scream, "Yes, Inuyasha! I'll marry you!" It was so beautiful, and I just start crying and hanging onto him and it's like my every dream come true and I know I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

He tries to get away, and I'm sure it's because he just wants to tell everyone else, but I don't want to let him go just yet. So I make him sit, jump into his lap, and tell him all my plans for our weddings. I've been thinking about this for months, and it's so great to finally be able to share it all with him. We have to have two weddings, of course, one in his time and one in mine. I know exactly the dress I want. It has puffed sleeves and little tiny pearls sewn into the bodice. I showed it to Sango in_ Bride_ magazine last week, and she agrees it's totally gorgeous! Of course, she'll be my maid of honor, definitely in pink. And I'm sure Miroku will do the service for us. I want Inuyasha to ask Sesshomaru to be his best man, but he probably won't. Just think how cute Rin would look as a flower girl! Not to mention Shippo as the ringbearer. He'll be so perfect holding out the little pillow with our rings.

And that brings us to the wedding in my time, because we're totally going home to buy rings as soon as we're sure Naraku is really in hiding for a while again. I thought about having a jewel shard for my stone, but I know it's a bad idea. First, it can't be good luck. And second, they're really pointy and won't look good in a traditional setting, which is exactly what I want. Traditional. All the way. Gramps will give me away, and Shota will be the modern-age ringbearer. I can't wait to tell mom!

Inuyasha seems kind of dazed by all of this as I tell him, but I know he'll be into it as much as I am soon. Weddings are so beautiful. Everyone loves them. I'm going to look just like a princess out of a fairy tale. And after we kill Naraku, we are _so_ going to live happily ever after. I want six kids, for sure.

I look at Inuyasha and smile. He's made me so happy. Only thing is, he really is going to have to cut that hair for the wedding. And I just can't ask him. I think I'll do it tonight while he's asleep.

Dewa kore de!

Kagome


	5. Entry 5

© Salome Wilde, 2008

Dear Diary

Author's Note: Hell no, I'm not leaving it at Entry 4. Did you really buy that? Come on. It was a dare. I did my best to squick with the marriage crap, and now let's get back to reality. Heh. Kagome's a slut and there's no denying it. You know it's true. Read on, please—assuming you're an adult, of course.

Entry 5

Dear Diary,

How the hell Naraku knew about my diary, I have no idea. That he left me with this spiral-bound piece of crap with Naruto on it along with that fake entry and its total lie about Inuyasha proposing just made me want to kick Shippo (of course, I didn't). I could have screamed when I read it. It even looks like my handwriting! But I tore that writing up into bits and jumped up and down on them, and that helped a little.

I've always known Naraku was sick, but this is just ridiculous. Of course, the one time he asked me for blow job I turned him down. I mean, duh. But I didn't realize the perv was going to come ransack my backpack. I mean, how pathetic is _that_? Sure, try to kill me and everyone I care about, but steal my diary? Come on. Who's the adult here?

And he didn't just take my totally adorable lavender Hello Kitty journal with heart-shaped lock and bling, no. All my panties were gone, my pop-up _Kama Sutra_, my cherry massage oil, and the ramen I was planning to bribe Inuyasha with later this week (never mind what for). I'm sure he's broken the lock to read it because the key is still in my shoe where I always keep it. Idiot.

I guess he thinks it's funny to mess with my head this way. What he wrote is so beyond-clueless. As if I sound like that big a dork! And as if all I ever think about is weddings! I mean, yeah, I think about them, and about me and Inuyasha, and I really really hope he'll propose someday. But who the hell would want a Shikon jewel-shard wedding ring? Come on. And how often does that loser listen to my conversations to actually know my brother's name. The dude needs a life.

And to pretend I don't do what I say I do? Most guys would want to call a girl a slut not a virgin. But not Naraku the uber-geek, no. If he had any friends, he'd be telling them all that I've never even kissed and am totally lying about eating Kikyo's ginger-flavored pussy. But he has no friends and never did.

God, I'm totally creeped out thinking about him jerking off while he reads what I wrote every night. Gross me out the door. If I ever wondered, I definitely know now why Kikyo turned Onigumo down like a bedspread. Geek city.

I'm going down the well tomorrow to buy another Hello Kitty diary. It was the kawaii-est. Damn him. This time I'm not letting it out of my site for a minute.

Dewa kore de!

Kagome


	6. Entry 6

Author's Note: I am indebted to sunsetmiko for the idea of the gang playing Truth or Dare in her story "Truth or Dare." I give it my own Dear Diary twist, but she's the genius I gratefully snagged the concept from.

Author's Plug: I am now co-moderator of the coolest ever Inuyasha erotica LiveJournal community, with weekly contests and awesome prizes. If you're 18+ (and you should be if you're reading this!), please join us at community./iyhedonism .

Entry 6

Dear Diary,

Today's lesson: Never play Truth or Dare with Inuyasha. I mean, it's not like the others could figure it out either—well, except for Miroku who doesn't seem to have turned down a dare in his life. But from the start it was a circus.

Me: "It's this game where you have to answer questions and if you don't want to then you opt for a dare, which means doing something you get asked you to do." Totally clear, ne?

Sango: "What if you don't want to do the dare either?"

Me: "You have to."

Miroku (winking at me): "Sounds great."

Inuyasha: "Who the hell would want to play that stupid game?"

Me: "Sit."

Sango (looking nervous): "Well, I suppose we could try it."

Shippo: "I'll do all the dares! I'm not scared!"

Everyone else (rolling eyes at Shippo): Silence.

Me (smiling at Shippo): Great! (He's just a kid, after all. But I can see that including him in the game is going to mess it up for adult purposes.)

Miroku: "Do we get to ask anything we want of anyone we want?"

Sango: Smacks Miroku because he's leaning over to feel her ass while he asks this. She hits him before he even gets there. Nice.

Me: "Yeah, one person at a time. We take turns."

Kirara: Yawns. Closes eyes.

Inuyasha: "I'm not answering anything I don't want to."

Me: "Sit."

Inuyasha: "What the fuck! Stop doing that!"

Me: "Then shut up and just play."

Inuyasha: "No way."

Sango: "I don't know about this…"

Miroku (waggling his eyebrows): "I'll answer anything you like, Sango."

This goes on for about a half hour. I keep telling them we should just try it and they keep hedging and Sango's slapping Miroku like it's going out of style and I'm sitting Inuyasha until he's black and blue and Shippo wanders off away from the scary adults (as if) and Kirara snores contentedly. I finally tell them they suck and I'd rather play with Naraku and Kagura who would at least not be such chickenshits. We then spend ten minutes talking about what "chickenshit" means while Inuyasha acts all outraged at the implication that Naraku is more fun than he is. I just look at him. He does the "What? What? What?" thing at me. Then everyone is silent.

As always, my goal here is just to get Inuyasha to open up. If I also get jollies watching Sango squirm (she's been putting me off totally since she and Miroku are getting it on now, though she still pretends they're not) and if I enjoy seeing Miroku in his anything-goes pervert element, then what's the problem? What I really hope is that someone other than me will ask Inuyasha some serious questions: has he had sex? who has a hotter body, me or Kikyo? does he have the hots for his brother? Stuff like that. And if he won't answer them, fine. I'll make him strip. I'll make him kiss Miroku. I'll make him jealous by confessing to fucking everyone we've ever met (which will probably mostly be true). And I'll get some sake and make everyone do body shots off my tits if that's what it takes to loosen up around here!

At this point, I'm frustrated but also raring to go. I know Miroku is, too. You gotta love the dude. Too bad he doesn't have fuzzy ears and a great head of hair like Inuyasha. Wonder if he's ever tried to grow it out?

Anyhow, finally, they stop fighting and we get down to playing. I let Miroku start, though I wonder if it is the best idea. My mind's as dirty as his, but I know how to keep it cool and he doesn't, or anyway he won't.

He says, "Inuyasha, how many times have you tried on Sango's slayer suit when she's asleep?"

Inuyasha's mouth drops open.

Sango's mouth drops open.

My mouth drops open. (How did I not know this was going on?!)

Miroku smirks bigtime.

Shippo is long gone.

Kirara opens an eye. She's no dummy.

Inuyasha turns bright red, jumps up, yells "Fuck you, Miroku!" and leaps on top of him, punching and kicking like a mad hanyo.

Miroku is laughing too hard to fight back (he looks like he's loving this).

Sango blushes and it seems like she can't decide whether to laugh or punch Inuyasha herself.

I sigh and shake my head. I smile, but not for the same reason as Miroku. I'm wondering if Inuyasha would look good in that tight black outfit. I bet he would.

Needless to say, that as far as the game gets before I walk off to take a swim. Maybe we should try strip poker next time.

Dewa kore de!

Kagome


	7. Entry 7: The GrossOut

© Salome Wilde, 2008

Author's Note: Originally written for the LJ community **iyfic contest** for their "Tentacles" prompt. Took 3rd place!

Dear Diary: The Gross-out

Dear Diary,

Today was so wrong that I shouldn't even be writing about it. But you know when something is just so gross that you can't stop looking at it? Like when Inuyasha bites his toenails or when Shippo picks his nose and eats it? Yeah, well, today was so bizarre that there isn't even a word to describe its level of total grossosity.

Anyhow, I get a sense that a jewel shard is nearby, and we go check it out and find Kohaku unconscious in a clearing. He's bloody and bruised and he's obviously been in some wicked battle. But that's not the gross part. Sango goes over to him and it's so sad, like it always is. I can't imagine how I'd feel if Sota took a pickaxe and hacked up mom and Jii-chan and Buyo right before my eyes and then stuck it right in my back. That would just be like, I don't know, totally sick-wrong. Well, Kohaku wakes up and he's got his usual zombie-eyed stare and I know it's trouble, but we can't just take the shard because he's Sango's brother and all. So, I hold Inuyasha off and threaten to make him Sit if he says one more word about Naraku when, speak of the devil, there he is.

Sigh. Nobody knows that I kind of have a thing for the creepy old hanyo when he shows up looking like Lord Hitomi. I mean, it's so easy to hate him when he shows up in that smelly old fur and baboon face. Sesshomaru's got that fur fetish, and he sometimes tells me about it when we sneak off for some fun, but I don't know. He's practically OCD with his cleanliness thing, so that fur at his shoulder is always nice when he presses my face into it as he's doing me from behind. But Naraku's skanky old wrap? I don't think so.

Anyway, Diary, this time he shows up and he's in total hotness mode. He's got that creepy voice that gives me the chills, and it's obvious the Kohaku thing was a trap, but I so don't care. I have arrows and Inuyasha will protect me (he is so totally my one and only love, despite the make-out sessions with his brother and the crush on Naraku). But then he starts letting out his tentacles.

If there is one thing that gags me, it's those tentacles. They are just so…wrong. All slimy and nasty and the smell that comes off them is unreal! Sticking them out of the back of that gorgeous babyface of Lord Hitomi is, well, just too much nasty. I take my bow and get ready to fire, while Inuyasha unsheathes Tessaiga (love to watch him do that!), Miroku holds out his staff, Kirara gets big and fiery, Sango grabs Hiraikotsu, and Shippo runs for cover (kawaii little kitsune, I love how poofy his tail gets when he's scared).

Inuyasha lunges first, so I get to watch his butt without him knowing it, and we're all totally shocked to see there's no barrier. The strike doesn't hit Naraku anyway because he lunges and Inuyasha skids into the dirt. I fire and my arrow misses too, but again only because he dodges. Kirara lunges and is batted away.

But Sango is standing off to the side, holding her attack. Her face is flushed: is she scared? Miroku and I exchange glances. This is so weird. I ready another arrow. Inuyasha prepares for another Kaze no Kizu. And then, turning back to Sango before I fire, I see what's really going on here.

One of Naraku's tentacles has slithered along the ground and is totally snaked up Sango's kimono. And she is loving it. I look over at the others. Even Miroku doesn't see it. I don't know what to do. I mean, it's Naraku…we've got to stop him…and I haven't even had a chance with him yet! Plus, I mean the guy's got Kohaku so it's like totally wrong for Sango to want him. And, hello: Tentacles! Gross! But I'm a good friend, and I'm not gonna say anything. It's her body. She'll probably get some way-sick infection, but I can't say that I'm not a little bit jealous.

Soon Inuyasha hacks off a limb and Naraku vanishes in his nasty black whirlwind, taking poor Kohaku with him. Sango's just standing there in a daze. I don't know what to say. I put my arm around her, and we head back to camp.

As soon as everyone's asleep, I am so going to tell her I saw. I wanna know everything.

Dewa kore de!

Kagome


	8. Entry 8: The PMS Sisterhood

© Salome Wilde, 2008

Author's Note: Originally written for the LJ community "iywiltedrose", a Kikyo-centered contest fic space, for its "Acceptable" prompt.

Dear Diary,

Holy Houshi! I was so PMS today that even Shippo cowered in fear when I shot him a killer look as he tried to snag the emergency chocolate bars from my backpack. No way, foxboy. Inuyasha, who can smell my bad mood coming a mile away, spent the afternoon just lying down to protect himself from Osuwari bruising. And if Miroku was smirking, he made sure I didn't see it. Of course, Sango and I are on synched schedules at this point, so she was only slightly less foul than I was, but the chocolate I shared with her and only her and the knowledge that I brought plenty of tampons for the week ahead made things a bit easier.

Eventually, we'd had enough of the boys and their problems with our "attitude"—and Kirara kept sticking her nose in our crotches. (I thought that was a dog thing but Naraku does it constantly and now Kirara too? Just a big whatever to all these weird demons and why they do what they do anyhow.) So, Sango and I (the "PMS Sisterhood") went off to bathe the bitchiness away, not to mention a little mutual fondling—though she's lazy and I usually do most of the work. And we found ourselves talking about Kikyou.

As I washed Sango's hair for her (she is so bad about keeping it properly conditioned—the girl just hates using product), we couldn't help but comment that the DBC—which stands for "Dead Bitch Chick"—or "Dirt Bone Cnt," when we're feeling hateful—is so lucky not to get her period now that she's made of mud and rocks and stuff and not really alive. "It's so not fair," I said. "Totally," said Sango, who is using that word way too much since I taught it to her. "Let's go TP her hut," I said, holding forth the three roles of premium toilet tissue I snagged from the closet when I went home the day before for the tampons and chocolate. I really need it for using in the stupid Feudal Era because the stuff they use is like sandpaper—when they use anything at all. So gross! But I figured it'd be more fun to annoy Kikyou when I was in this kind of mood than even to wipe my butt in comfort. So, anyhow Diary, we went to do the deed.

Kikyou has been living in this dull backwater village for a while now, doing her typical sullen miko-healer thing. How the little girls do not find her creepy, I have no idea. But it was dark when we got there, and there was no one outside and no lights coming from the huts…except for one: the cookfire in Kikyou's place. Sango almost got cold feet, afraid the DBC would bust us. But who cares! What's she going to do, steal my soul? Ha!

We approached, quietly, me yanking Sango along behind the whole way. As we got close, we heard…noises. Sango stopped and put her hands out to say she was not going a step further. "Puh-lease!," I mouthed. It was so totally obvious what was going on: Kikyou was getting some. So I left Sango and crept closer to the doorway and peeked around the hanging mat. And there before me was the 69 to end all 69s: Kikyou and Kagura, going at it like there was no tomorrow.

But suddenly, Kikyou popped her wet face up and her dead eyes met mine. She smiled a totally scary little smile as her flat voice hissed, "You TP my hut again and you are _dead_, soulbait." And then she went right back to the action.

I ducked my head out and put my hands over my mouth to stop myself from laughing out loud. Sango approached, whispering, "What? What??" and I told her what she'd missed. We did our secret handshake and high-fived and agreed in an instant: Dead or not, menstrual or not, that girl was totally acceptable as a member of the PMS Sisterhood. Next time we met, she was going to be taught the handshake for sure.

Dewa kore de!

Kagome


	9. Entry 9: Privacy Problems

© Salome Wilde, 2008

Author's Note: This diary entry was written for the prompt of "bathroom" for the adult Inuyasha/Kagome LJ community "inukagathon." It won first place!

Dear Diary: Privacy Problems

Dear Diary,

So, just tell me, is anything more totally pathetic than the image of totally horny me, laying on the bathroom rug with my legs spread, rubbing myself raw 'cause I've been home for three days and I'm so dying for action it's like not even funny? I'm in the bathroom 'cause I totally wore out my vibe back in the Feudal Era and our old electric toothbrush (well the buzzing holder thingy, anyhow) makes an awesome emergency substitute. And my annoying family is a little less likely to interrupt me in there than in my room. I mean, everyone deserves some quiet potty time, y'know?

Anyhow, I'm totally polishing the pussy and bang bang bang, there's Souta pounding at the door, complaining that he's gotta pee. Must we have the only house in suburban Tokyo with four bedrooms and one bathroom? I leap off the rug and shove the toothbrush back in the drawer under the sink and straighten my clothes and I don't have to pretend I'm totally miffed when I tell him to hurry up 'cause I'm not done in there.

The little brat doesn't take long—thank kami-sama, as Miroku says—and soon I'm slipping off my panties again and getting back to it. But in less than five minutes Mom's there, knocking softly in that total Mom way, like she's so-so-sorry to interrupt but she's been holding it for an hour and saying nothing because that's what moms do…'til they're gonna piss their pants if they don't just knock so quietly you can barely hear them over the damned toothbrush. "Okay, just a minute," I say, in a sweet cheerful voice I do not feel in any way because this time I was even closer than last time. "Fuckfuckfuckingfuck," is what I'm saying in my head.

I could give up, but I am like so much the determined type, so when Mom finally gets out, I go back in once more, and get smacked in the face by the smell of cherry blossom and poop. I yell, "God, Mom!" and she says, "Sorry, honey," because who the heck invented the idea that spraying air freshener over your shit was a good idea? Totally gross. I open the window and pee, and soon I'm used to it enough to take out the toothbrush once more. I'm picturing Sesshoumaru now, even though he mostly does me from behind against a tree. I so wish I had his hair. He is such a total hottie babe.

Just when I'm thinking about how he says my name when he's gonna come—"Kaaaaaaaagome" all deep and gruff in his throat—I hear Souta screaming about how Jii-chan's cut his thumb open and Mom making worried noises and I'm like totally fuck this house and everyone in it!

You'd think I'd give up, wouldn't you? But no way. At this point, it's like a mission. I will find all the pieces of the Shikon Jewel and I will have a come or die. I sat on my bed, arms folded—totally pouting and I admit it—while they saved Jii-chan from the evils of a papercut or whatever. And when they're all gone I go back. I mean, I figure I'm way safe now because there's no one but Buuyo to bother me and I'm sure as hell not letting him in here. I'm on the rug again (damp now 'cause they splashed water all over the place cleaning Jii-chan up, but I throw a towel down because I am not a quitter), and me and the toothbrush are going at it like old friends while I reach a hand into my blouse and pinch my nipple, like I make Sango do when I get her lazy ass to do anything (I swear she barely touches me and I go down on her like three times a week!). And then—believe it or not, Diary—the bathroom door came smashing down as Inuyasha kicks it in!

"Kagome, are you all right?" he says bursting through the doorframe, like he's not the one that just totally gave me brain damage by almost crushing me! He cocks his head and tries to explain, saying he heard the buzzing sound and thought I was being attacked by Saimyoushou. He looks lost and helpless and totally kawaii, but I'm totally furious.

I scream "SIT" so many times I'm sure he's gonna go through the floor and fall right onto the kitchen table. But tough. I've had it. As I step over him, snapping my thong string, I'd love to call him every name in the book…but I don't. After all, I'm gonna marry him someday and live happily ever after and everything, so I can't say anything I'll really regret. Like "I am so gonna let Miroku do my ass when we get back," which I think and will do but don't say. Inuyasha flails and groans and mutters something obscene with his face in the linoleum. I glare over my shoulder and sit him once more, then head back to my bedroom to get my backpack. The day isn't over and I'm getting my come or else.

You can guess what happens next, Diary. I'm down that well and totally into the monk's robes before Inuyasha even gets his baka butt off the floor. So the day wasn't a total waste, anyhow.

Dewa kore de,

Kagome


	10. Entry 10: Ayame Makeover

Salome Wilde, 2008

Dear Diary: Ayame Makeover

Author's Note: A short tidbit originally written for the naughty LJ Community _iyhedonism_.

Dear Diary,

"You are totally hot," I told Ayame this afternoon when we met her at the eastern mountain pass. She looked down and said that she'd seen Kouga-kun and all he talked about was me. I wanted to tell her he isn't really that into me, just probably trying to make her jealous. The truth is, Kouga is mostly into threesomes with Inuyasha and Miroku, not to mention Sesshoumaru (otherwise known as "Daddy"). But she's not ready to hear that, so I told her how pretty her hair is in those kawaii ponytails and how I wish my eyes were green like hers. She perked up a little, and it's not like I wasn't telling the truth. Ayame is a total babe. But she insists that if she looked more like me her problems would be solved.

Well, I want to help, so I offer to give her a makeover. We set up camp away from the others and I get out the Dreamy Pink nail polish, cherry blossom lip gloss, and a brush. She seems to like the attention and I'm liking her little squeaky sounds as I stroke and brush her hair. Which gives me another idea. "Let's swap clothes," I say.

She's into it and strips down so fast my mouth hangs open. The firelight makes a halo around her tan, curvy body and her boobs are so high and perfect I wanna scream…or touch them…or both. I strip down too and she's looking right at me and in two seconds I'm on her like sticky on rice. I hold her tiny waist and bend to suck on one perfect little tan nipple then the other. She's making more squeaky sounds and reaches down to shove two fingers inside me while she fingers my clit like a pro. I pick my head up and just have to kiss those squeaks right out of her mouth and she gives tongue so good I'm dizzy. She keeps rubbing and fucking me with her fingers and I cum before I know it. Ayame giggles and eases me to the ground, then dives between my legs. I can't help but spread, and just before she feasts, she gives me the wolfgrin and says, "Oh Kagome, if I knew it was this easy to get you naked, I'd have done it long ago."

Can you say BFF?

Dewa kore de,

Kagome


	11. Entry 11: Haiku Homework

Author's Note: Written for LJ comm iyhedonism's "Haiku" prompt, 750 word max. Took 2nd place. I love writing this silliness! Adults only, as always.

Salome Wilde 10/08

Dear Diary: Haiku Homework

Dear Diary,

A girl can really get into trouble living a double life—and I don't mean taking it from Ginta in front and Hakkaku from behind (though that too, and boy was Kouga-kun ticked off at being left out).

I had been in the F.E. (the Feudal Era, or, as I like to call it, the Fucking Era) for a long time because my period was late and no way was I going home until I got it. Mom may seem so out of it that she's living in another century herself, but she's actually a total hawk and knows my cycle to the date. Of course, she doesn't know half of what I get up to, but she's the one who packs not only the ramen and chips but the condoms and the Midol, too.

Anyhow, when my Aunt Flo finally did make an appearance, I hopped down the well lickety split. It's not like I can't bring and use tampons in the F.E., but half the time Shippo takes them out, paints eyes on them, and calls them his "pet mice." I swear, the boy's just not right in the head. But having your father's killer wear your dad's skin as a belt? That could mess anybody up big time.

Well, I get home to find that my girlfriends have visited to bring me the term paper assignment from literature class. We have to pick a traditional Japanese form of poetry to research, write a paper about it, and write an original poem. I'm totally good at this kind of thing, mostly because I make Souta hop on the internet and do the research for me. If I bring him something cool back from the past, like a cool weapon mom won't let him have (I can usually hide a dagger pretty easily), then he'll even do the writing.

Three days later, my period's finally over and Souta presents me with a darn good essay about haiku. I tell him he's the best little brother ever and give him the knife. He grins and runs off to go stab one of his little buddies or something. Only after he's gone do I see the poem he wrote:

**Cherry blossoms float**

**Down upon my ugly head**

**But I'm a dumb girl**

Yeah, right. Like I'm gonna turn ithat/i in. Souta's going through a phase of hating girls. But at least he's not making tampon rodents.

So, now I gotta write my own, but I'm overtired (travel-by-well gives me total jet lag for days, plus I've been up all night reading_ Full Metal Alchemist_ and fantasizing about boffing the Elric brothers). The first thing that pops into my head is this:

**Flowing hair cascades**

**I feel it tickle my back**

**As he fucks my ass**

I giggle and start over:

**Those fuzzy ear tips**

**Beckon me to reach and touch**

**While you lick my puss**

I get out the electric toothbrush (that I keep under my mattress since the bathroom fiasco). I masturbate like a fiend while I recite the haiku like a chant because pulling Inuyasha in by his ears while he eats me is one of my all-time unending fantasies—well, that and marrying him and living happily ever after, of course. Once I've come five or six times, I feel a lot better, though even more tired. But I gotta do this. So I get out a fresh piece of paper and begin again:

**The strong, quiet monk**

**He protects and bestows love**

**And cums down my throat**

Dammit. I'm wondering if I should just give up. But now, to be honest, I'm kind of getting into it. So I write one for Sango:

**Pretty yet sad girl**

**So many losses to bear**

**Let me make you cum**

And, blushing the whole time, one for Shippo:

**Damn that poofy tail**

**It makes you so cute you see**

**I think dirty thoughts**

And finally one for my prideful, long-suffering Kouga-kun:

**Oh determined wolf**

**Please don't offer me your hand**

**How 'bout a hand job?**

By this time, it's 3 a.m. and I need to go play with myself again. Three more excellent climaxes later, I realize I'm spent. My muse is gone and I can't keep my eyes open anyhow.

Heck with it, I finally decide, I'll just turn in the one Souta wrote. Better to be thought a "dumb girl" than sent to the headmaster's office under suspicion of nymphomania and bestiality!

Dewa kore de,

Kagome


	12. Entry 12: Sesshoumaru's Treasure

Author's Note: Written for inucomedyclub's "Dream" prompt.

Salome 10/08

Dear Diary: Sesshoumaru's Treasure

Dear Diary,

Today was the weirdest _ever_. I know, I say that all the time, but like I**_ really _**mean it this time. I think I'm traumatized. But so many weird things happen to me—like Kohaku asking if he could pee on me while I told him he was a naughty little slayer that one time or when Naraku told me he gave names to all of his tentacles—that maybe I should just say this time I was_ extra_ traumatized.

Anyhow, I got invited to the Palace of the Western Lands for by Lord You-Know-Who. I was totally psyched because this was the first time he'd ever invited me anywhere. Well, actually, it was the first time he'd ever talked to me beyond telling me to hike my ass up a little higher while I held onto the tree in front of me. (I really love his tall, aloof stranger sex fetish, even though after about forty times it isn't as much of a surprise as it once was. Still, I do get wet every time I see a really big oak. You know those rats they get to push the little bar for a food pellet who do it over and over, never knowing when they'll get one next? I'm so like that. I never know when Sesshoumaru will show up and "feed" me. I wander off from the group to pee so often they all think I have a bladder infection.)

Ugh, now I'm getting off topic and my Tuesday thong is soaked! So, anyway, Sesshoumaru finishes licking his cum off my back and then he leans forward and whispers into my ear. "I want to fuck you on the bear youkai-fur rug of my chambers at the castle. Tell your companions you sense a jewel shard next time you are nearby and come to me, my little whore." I swear that's the most he's ever said to me and calling me his "little whore"? Whoa. Right then I'm soaked through and beg him to give it to me again, but he just breathes something about Kouga's turn in my ear and is gone. He really does have the most amazing mystique.

Well, about a week later we're heading in the direction of the palace, and I cross my fingers behind my back (I always do that when I lie; I think it keeps you from going to hell or something) and say I sense a shard. My Inuyasha gets all excited, snarling something about his asshole brother and how dare he hide a shard and stuff. I hardly listen because I'm just melting at the amazing sparkle in his eyes. (When we're married, I'm gonna say "jewel shard" every night before bed, just to see that twinkle.) So, we get there and the castle is like, OMG, amazing! It's huge and there are armored guards everywhere, each one more handsome and muscled than the next. And Inuyasha barges forward and demands to be let in. The guards refuse him but say they have been ordered to let in the strange miko from the future. I giggle. I just love that. It makes me sound like a science fiction flick. Come see "Miko from the Future"! Now playing at a cinema near you!

Anyhow, I tell the others not to worry, that I will be right back with the shard. They look skeptical—well everyone except Miroku, who has busted me and Lord S on more than one occasion and now uses us as his own personal porn to masturbate to whenever possible. What a perv!

I am escorted to this gorgeous ante-chamber all decorated in deep red satin like a total whorehouse (figures that would be Sesshoumaru's taste!) by these luscious burly youkai guards, and left there. After half an hour of waiting, I've had enough, and I start to explore on my own. I go through a little door then back into the hall and sneak behind the guards and back into the next room and then I hear a voice coming from the next room. It is Sesshoumaru! He's saying, "No wolf could boast a finer tail than yours," in this deep voice, but I know it's him. Then I hear some shuffling sounds and "Oh yes, Sire, your tail is the fluffiest of all!" in a total girly voice! I can't stand it anymore, so I burst through the door and find myself in this enormous walk-in closet. Sesshoumaru is holding up these costume tails, one by one, against his ass—he's got wolf and fox and rabbit too!

"Sesshoumaru!" I gasp, too shocked to say more or to be smart enough to run away.

"Miko," he says, dropping the tails. Then he sighs. The sound is so sad and he looks into my eyes so soulfully I'm an instant mess. When the big ones fall it's always so tragic, you know? He tells me he's always dreamed of having a tail in his human form. I nod because yeah, they are so totally kawaii, like Shippo's, or way sexy, like Kouga's. But I tell him it's ok because he has like the best hair _ever_ and anyhow he's the Lord of the Western Lands! But he just sits down on the floor and puts his head in his hands. Well, I'm getting annoyed here because now he's just having a self-pity party and utterly ruining my image of his mystique, but I sigh and sit down next to him and lie and tell him tails aren't all they're cracked up to be. I'm sweet like that. I tell him he has that big fur thing on his shoulder that feels so nice when he rubs it on my ass. That perks him up a little, and pretty soon he's hard and I'm sucking and he's calling me his little whore again and it's like Happily Ever After and he even tells me where there's a demon with a shard rampaging the nearby countryside so I won't get in trouble with Inuyasha.

So it's all like fine again, except that when I fantasize about him now, I can't get rid of the image of him holding up a rabbit youkai tail on his ass and hopping like a bunny. Dudes can be so disappointing. Better not to know and just get banged up against a tree.

Dewa kore de!

Kagome


	13. Entry 13: Boys!

Author's Note: Written for LJ comm iy_boyslove's "Naughty" prompt. 400 word limit, so it's short but sweet! Took 2nd place.

Salome 12/08

**Dear Diary: Boys!**

Dear Diary,

I'm a good person, aren't I? I treat my boys with love. I bring them ramen, let Shippo ride in my bicycle basket, tell Inuyasha he is wonderful even when he whines about Kikyou (the stupid dirt-and-ginger-flavored bimbo), and Miroku's fucked my ass so many times I can barely walk straight anymore. Then there are all those nightly excursions to the woods so Sesshoumaru can boff me up against a tree and Naraku and I can hit the hotsprings and play The Octopus and The Mermaid. I'm totally devoted to my boys!

Well, yesterday, Sango and I tell the boys we're going to the river to wash and emphasize the violence they'll receive if they dare to come peeking. We totally know they will, but we gotta do the drill. Anyway, we get there and strip and just lounge around, waiting. But they don't show. Our boobs are floating all pretty at the surface (and Sango has the perkiest nipples ever!), but nobody shows up. Sango shrugs and asks me to go down on her (so what else is new), but I tell her I'm gonna go find out what's wrong. Who knows, maybe they're all being eaten alive by some soul-sucking centipede!

What I find when I get back is worse than any battle, and the only "centipede" I see is **dick**—big and hard and EVERYWHERE. Miroku is on all-fours, sucking Sesshoumaru, while Kouga is behind, pounding him for all he's worth. Naraku has his tentacles in any available orifice, while Jaken is off to the side, pumping away, his eyes popping out of his little green skull. Only Shippo is missing, on some errand with Rin and Kohaku, I'm sure, probably led by my sweet, innocent Inuyasha. But as I get closer, I see the truth. On the ground, in the middle of the pile, licking and sucking whatever he can reach, is my one true love! He's covered with cum—in his beautiful hair, on his chest...I can't believe it. And he looks happier than I've ever seen him.

I stand, mouth open, and then I scream. My dreams are shattered!

Only Kouga notices, and he just laughs and winks before he bends and slips Inuyasha's shaft into his slutty mouth.

Then, through my tears, I notice I'm wet...somewhere else. And I can't help but reach down and touch.

Boys!

Dewa kore de,

Kagome


	14. Entry 14: ED

Sensei 12/08

Author's Note: Written for LJ comm **iyhedonism**'s "Convenient Plot Device" prompt. Won 2nd place.

Dear Diary: ED

Dear Diary,

I feel like a moron writing this. Kagome handed me this stupid "Pochacco" diary today and told me I'd better work out my feelings or she's gonna leave me for my brother. Keh. Like that would work. Sesshoumaru likes pussy about as much as Yura liked bald men. I swear she's the only one in all of Feudal Japan who doesn't know Rin is a boy in drag.

But joking doesn't help. Things suck between us now. After she busted me in that dogdickpile, she decided it was time to give in. She made a huge production of it, and I admit it made me really hot. She told me how much she loved me, how she had been waiting for me, saving it for me, wanting me… I mean damn. But then, when she lay back and spread, I could smell a dogpile in there! Not only Kouga and Miroku but my faggot brother (she explained he always took her from behind – heh, wonder why) and even Naraku! Plus Kikyou and Ayame, and a trace of Sango, too. My cock wilted like a flower at the first freeze as I barked out every insult I could think up.

Kagome reared on me, yelling "sit" so many times I lost count. When I was down, she calmly pointed out that it was her ass not her pussy that had been fucked, just like mine had, and her cunt was still virginal because girl mouths and fingers don't count. Next, she demanded to know how I recognized Ayame's scent so easily. Damn. That drunken night was not one of my best, and both the ookami babe and I promised never to mention it again.

She called me a "hypocrite," then explained what it meant since she was sure a "dumbass hanyou" like me wouldn't know. I growled and finally managed to rise, spitting dirt from the hut floor, and snarled a bunch of stupid shit about not caring about big words and never being able to trust bitches. She punched me in the face and I unleashed claws and threatened to use them and then she begged me to fuck her and make her "complete" and by then my cock was hard as Tessaiga and I banged her good and long and hard.

After that night, though, she wanted it all the time. I mean ALL THE TIME. And to tell the truth, I'm more uke than Seme and more gay than not. I'd rather take it than give it and Kagome just doesn't have the equipment. Well, pretty soon, she was cheerfully giving me these little blue "pills" from the future—like jewel shards of prick-hardening, only not as shiny and they wear off—and then she is stupid enough to tell me she gave Naraku a whole bottle of them! First, I didn't want to hear about her Naraku obsession, and second, the damned demon never told _me_ he had tentacle dysfunction! After a while, all we did was angry sex, and even with the little blue shards it just wasn't right.

So, she gave me this stupid "Diary" and told me to get out my feelings so I can "love her again." Well, fuck, it's not like I don't love her. I do. Totally. And all this writing shows is that both Kags and I are whores with anger management problems. You know, maybe I'll just tell her that…and then see if she wants to invite some of the boys over to fuck us both tonight. Now _that's_ love, ain't it?

Dewa kore de…or whatever,

Inuyasha


	15. Entry 15: Herbal Enhancement

Author's Note: Written for InuComedyClub's "Herbal Remedies" prompt. Placed first. :)

Entry 15: Herbal Enhancement

Dear Diary,

Giving Inuyasha my diary to write out his feelings was definitely not the smartest plan this little miko has ever come up with. Did I really need to know my one true love is a gay bottom boy, Diary? Did I? Well, I totally asked for it and I totally got it, and since I was dumb enough to tell my furry-eared little hanyou honey that if he "really loved me" he'd stop letting every male in Japan mount and ride him like ye olde messenger horse, I suppose I deserved him turning pot and calling this kettle black. And except for Sango, who plays a little with me and otherwise is saving herself for Miroku (who's even queerer than Inuyasha, truth be told), our scorecards line up pretty even.

"We're a heck of a pair," I told my baby as we had a little oral make-up sex the other night after a fight so loud Kaede had to douse us both with a bucket of water and threaten to feed us to a centipede. "We are what we are," sighed Inuyasha, sounding too much like Popeye for me not to giggle a little, but he likes my giggle and anyhow he's right. Can't make either of us stop craving what we crave, so we might as well admit it.

Still, the others are kinda sick of us at this point, whether we're arguing _or_ making up, so my Inuyasha isn't getting the boy attention that keeps him in a good mood (and nice and hard) for me. Totally unfair! Even commanding him to "sit" has lost its sparkle…for both of us. I had to do _something_, right Diary? A girl has to act to protect herself and the man she loves. We may be in the Feudal Era, but I'm a modern girl. So, I went to Kaede and asked her help with an herbal remedy that would make my Inuyasha want me, even without one of the boys as an appetizer.

She was so awesomely helpful! She showed me the leaf of this plant and told me to find a bunch of it and mix it into Inuyasha's rice. I went one better and planned a special big double bowl of ramen with "horny herb"! No, it's not really called that, duh, but I'm not good with remembering things and it was enough just to walk through the forest and find some. All those leaves look the same!! Fortunately, I ran into Rin, picking flowers (the girl is a menace with that flower obsession, but I'm always totally sweet and smell them when she asks and let her put crowns in my hair and whatever), and she says she knows that plant and where there's lots of it. I follow her happily and she points and I pick a whole armful. She waves as I leave and ruins my mood only a little bit by saying she hopes Sesshoumaru decides to stop hiding from us soon because she misses us. Nice, huh?

Well, I boil the water and toss in the leaves and let it steep good before adding the noodles. Soon, Inuyasha comes peeking, led by his adorable, greedy little inu nose. "Ninja food!" he cries, bounding over and making grabby hands. I giggle until he snaps, "That better not be a bribe for you-know-what. I'm not in the mood." I want to "sit" his tight little uke butt about a hundred times for implying that all I want is sex. But instead I take a deep breath and ladle out a huge helping. He makes a face and asks what all the greenery is, and I tell him it's a special ninja flavor and he shrugs and just yums it up. My good puppy, how I love him! Life so owes us our happily ever after!!

Unfortunately, that's not what we got, again. Turns out that Rin showed me the wrong plant, and I ended up giving Inuyasha a huge bowl of…catnip! Kirara spent the whole darn day circling him and purring like a fiend, while Kaede laughed her head off. I suppose I should be grateful Inuyasha wasn't allergic, but all I could do was cry my eyes out when I found cat and dog in a clearing later, Kirara pinning my naked hanyou to the ground with big furry paws and licking every inch of him! His cock was as hard as an oak!

I want a do-over!!

Dewa kore de,

Kagome


	16. Entry 16: Inuyasha's Obsession

Originally written for Inucomedyclub's "Modern Japan" prompt. Decided to wander into some "lighter" territory before the strap-on chapter/s begin!

Dear Diary,

Oh. My. God. Inuyasha has locked himself in the bathroom, and he won't come out. Every time he follows me to the modern era, he drives me nuts. Until this latest obsession, I've safely assumed he pursues to scarf down more of my mom's home cooking, to torment Buyo, to tease and suck up the adoration from my hero-worship-addled brother, or to tag after me to school and act crazy and jealous about Hojo-kun. I confess I kinda like the last, though given more recent developments and shocking revelations in our love life, I now think he was totally trying to get dear Hojo to look his way. Mom telling me that every time Hojo comes to check up on me he now asks whether the "rock star guy" is around does not help matters. Yes, I love having an irresistibly hot boyfriend, but why does the gay thing have to stick to him so hard that every dude in a hundred mile radius and a thousand year span have to crush out on him?

Anyway, Diary, about the bathroom. If "Ninja Food" used to be Inuyasha's favorite modern-day delight, now it's the toilet. He crouches there and flushes it, over and over, just watching it—like its better than episodes of "Naruto" and "Ninja Warrior" combined! (Actually, he is surprisingly uninterested in television. But that's partly because Mom told him she's gonna rice-paddle him into tomorrow if he didn't stop threatening to kaze-no-kizu the challengers on "Iron Chef.") He hasn't yet actually done his business in it, telling me that's "baka" and heading out into the bushes behind our house to do it! No, he just likes to watch the water go around. I suppose I should be grateful he doesn't drink out of it—which would be totally funny because he's a dog demon, right? Instead, he grabs wads of toilet paper and stuffs them in and watches them go down, then tissues, then toothpaste, then shampoo—anything he can find in there! And he totally panicked once when it got backed up and overflowed. He tried to shove the little rug around the seat in there to stop it. I flipped out when I he yelled my name and found this gross wet mess all over the bathroom and Inuyasha all red-faced and freaking. Fortunately, mom and Souta were out, and Jii-chan didn't wake up from his nap. We got it fixed without having to call a plumber, and Inuyasha promised not to get stuff jammed in there again.

I stood over his shoulder, hands on my hips, next time he followed me from the Feudal era and demanded access to the toilet again. Told him he could flush it a maximum of three times, and that was it. But he begged with those big golden eyes and took me in his arms and kissed me like he wasn't gay at all and so how could I not give in? He used my weakness for his kisses to push me out the door and lock it. And he's been in there now for two hours. Someone's gonna have to go soon, I just know it, and then what? More importantly, Diary, where's Buyo?!

Ugh!

Kagome


	17. Entry 17: The ToDo List

Author's Note: Another little drabble for Dear Diary, originally written for iyissekiwa's "list" prompt.

Dear Diary,

This is the house from hell. Jii-chan totally freaked when I came home without those stupid extinct plants from the Feudal Era that he wants to grow to get rich by selling to quack healers. Souta was all pouty about what I forgot to bring him. I have no clue what the heck it was, and the brat won't tell me. Then, Mom dumps the bomb. She wants to know why I keep coming home without the underwear I left with. Can I help it if Miroku sneaks the dirty ones and wears them and I refuse to put them on again? Like I'm going to tell Mom _that_?!

She makes that "disappointed" face and tells me it's time to grow up. Um, what? Life or death battles, Inuyasha's tantrums, and not scratching Kikyou's undead eyes out? I should get a medal! Anyhow, she sits me down at the kitchen table and demands I write a "To Do List." Groan. Fine. Whatever.

So here I am, Diary.

Kagome's Forced Labor List to Appease the MomDemon:

1. Buy extra underwear and hide it  
2. Ask the next Warlord we meet for an interview for that stupid Anthropology paper coming up  
3. Tampons and PTSD pamphlet for Sango  
4. Don't forget the crap for Mom, Souta, and Jii-chan so I don't have to do this again  
5. Defeat Naraku  
6. Condoms and lube  
7. Don't let Mom see this list  
8. Live Happily Ever After :)

Dewa kore de,

Kagome


	18. Entry 18: Tramp Stamp

Author's Note: Originally written for the prompt "Ink" at LJ Comm AtFirstTweak.

Dear Diary: Tramp Stamp

Dear Diary,

I finally went to see the psychologist Mom recommended. Partly she loves me and wants to help with my ongoing relationship drama with Inuyasha, and partly she's sick of me breaking down crying every five seconds when she tells me she thinks he's not "really" gay. But then, this is the same Mom who thinks it's fine that Souta wearing my school uniform and telling her he wants to be called "Little Missy" is just a "phase."

Anyhow, I told this therapist guy all about finding out that my boyfriend is gay but that he does loves me and we are "intimate" and stuff but that he'd rather be "intimate" with dudes and that we'd tried Viagra and angry sex and even a threesome with Kouga but that things weren't going well. Of course, I didn't mention that he's hanyou, that Kouga-kun is a wolf, or that one of his regular partners is his youkai half-brother. And I didn't mention my own inability to keep my legs shut. I mean he doesn't need to know _everything_, right?

Well, he listens and takes notes and nods his head and makes little sounds of sympathy—or maybe it was gas, I don't know. But when I'm all done telling my story and crying like the PMS monster I totally am, he says something about having patience and leopards not being able to change their spots overnight. And I'm like WHAT? That makes no sense. So I try to get something useful out of this since Mom's spending buckets of yen on it, and I say, "Ok, how can I get him to see that I'm hotter than any dude could ever be?" He shakes his head at me like I'm totally pathetic and tells me "That's not the issue." I want to scream. It so totally is the issue. I mean this guy studies this kind of thing for a living and I could get better advice out of Kaede in her sleep.

Then it hits me. The solution. What I do is tell the shrink I'll see him in two weeks, get the money in advance for the appointment from Mom to pay for it, hop down the well and see what's up in the F.E. (Inuyasha's sullen but Naraku's keeping everyone busy), then return home and head straight for the nearest tattoo place.

Two weeks later when it's all healed, I can't wait to spring it on my one true loverboy. As soon as I can get him alone in the woods, I drop my skirt and unveil the little masterpiece on my lower back: a big white dog pinning a wolf by the throat. Inuyasha may be uke, but he never lets Kouga get the best of him. He took one look and jumped me before I even realized my panties were gone!

Call it a "tramp stamp" if you want, but it did more for me than any stupid therapist ever could!

Dewa kore de,

Kagome


	19. Entry 19: Like a Kitty Ninja

Author's Note: First new entry since July 2009! Kagome's on a mission!

**Dear Diary: Like a Kitty Ninja  
**

Dear Diary,

"Desperate times call for desperate measures," somebody once said, though I'm not sure if it was a Bible prophet or Jackie Chan. But it doesn't matter. Point is, I'm on a mission!

Of course, it's the usual mission, the Inuyasha mission: the quest to make my sweet, beautiful hanyou a bit more girl-focused and a little less boy-crazy. Or a lot more Kagome focused, anyhow. I can't say the pocket change didn't come in handy when I captured a little footage of some dog-wolf action the other day and sold it to Yuka, Eri, and Ayumi (thank you, Souta, for the loan of the videocam), but I hate being just a watcher. As the Shichinintai like to say, I'm a "do-do-do-do-do-do-do-doer" and I do-do-do want my Inuyasha aimed in my direction rather than every other male's in Feudal Japan!

So, say hello to Kagome the Ninja! The money I got for the video of that boy-boy lick flick was enough to buy a black lycra catsuit with split crotch and gold nipple studs that makes Sango's slayer get-up look like the amateurwear it is. Add to that the little black cat ears, the furry tail, and the wicked gold-tipped claws, and I knew I had a recipe for snoggy success. I mean, come on, he may be kinda gay, but he's a dog, right?

Anyway, last night at sundown I talk Miroku into keeping everyone occupied while I slip away into the woods to change. I had to promise to let him watch me go down on Kikyou again, but that ginger-and-dirt-flavored annoyance will be worth having my kitty ninja ass chased by hot puppy, so we had a deal. I oiled up and slid into the suit, feeling wetter than Sesshoumaru on onsen night!

So, I get on all-fours in the dark, hiking my booty up and doing little figure eights around a tree for practice. I know Miroku will send Inuyasha when he's sure I'm ready, and I am so much more than ready by the time I hear a rustle in the underbrush. I make this awesome purr and meow for good measure. Yeah, Inuyasha, I'm thinking, it's your pussy ninja, ready for infiltration!

Suddenly, I feel a hand over my mouth, and then I'm stuffed so fast and so full of big hard cock I nearly black out. It's good and rough and it just doesn't stop and I'm the hottest cat-bitch in heat the Feudal Era has ever seen and I can't believe it's really happening just like I want it to...until, with a loud pop, the dick comes out and I hear a high whining voice swear, "Shit!"

I spin around to find Kagura standing there, grabbing a sticky doggy-style strap-on between her kimono-covered thighs. She squeals as I lunge for her with my fake claws extended, and faster than Ginta on Hakkaku she's off on her stupid feather, giggling like a moron and waving the dick at me.

Damn that red-eyed tramp! I see a ninja assassination in her immediate future!

Kagome


	20. Entry 20: Daymares

Author's Note: LJ's FirstTweak's "Nightmare" prompt inspired a return to my favorite fic to write evar!

**Dear Diary: Daymare**

Dear Diary,

I had another huge fight with Inuyasha. I know, so what else is new? At least this time it wasn't about him doing it with Miroku in the bushes and thinking no one knows. This time, we were debating whether or not you can have nightmares while awake. (Well, if you can call "Yes you can" "No you can't" "Yes you can" a debate - and kami knows Inuyasha does.)

I said daydreams are dreams so what about "daymares." Inuyasha said they don't exist. I said they totally do. And pretty soon we were arguing loud enough to wake a dead Kikyou. I think I should get an award for not just yelling SIT and claiming the win.

When I let him get the last word in (as usual) and just sat there glaring, he finally shut up. Then I told him about my daymare. I told him about how he was all youkai-striped and his eyes were red and wild and burning into me and all his clothes just shredded off his body and it all made me so hot I had to take off all my clothes too and get on all fours with my juicy peach of a rear right in his snarling face.

He listened with his eyes getting bigger and bigger and practically drooling until I stopped and folded my arms with a grin. He swallowed hard and his voice came out a little squeak: "Yes you can."

Epic. Gotta keep the dog feeling Seme and straight somehow!

Dewa kore de,

Kagome


	21. Entry 21: Quote of the Day

26 June 2011

Note: First new entry since October 2010! Written for LJ comm I-B-4-Y's "knowledge" prompt. The crack!smut that never ends...

**Dear Diary: Quote of the Day**

Dear Diary,

Gotta start this entry with the quote of the day: "Do you really _know _Inuyasha?"

That was Kouga this morning, raising an eyebrow at me from on top of a rock while I was washing my panties in the stream. His hands were on his hips over that totally gay stinky-furry-loincloth-pelt-thing that Sesshoumaru and I both think is absolutely a skirt even though Kouga denies it and if anyone knows a skirt when he sees it it's Lord Furry Accessories.

Do I really know Inuyasha? Is he kidding?

I just glare back and flip my hair and he flashes fang and tosses his ponytail. Damn, he really does have great hair. But seriously, Diary, he's acting like he's about to tell me the deep dark secret of the universe but it's just gonna be that Inuyasha's been hanging out at his cave lately and I already so know that.

"Do I really _know_ Inuyasha?" I snap. "Please, wolf. The question is, do you?"

That catches him offguard, especially because I'm waving wet pink undies at him when I pose my question. He blinks, all silent and frozen there, looking down at me, wondering what the heck I'm gonna say. I slip him a slow smile and he actually flinches.

"Oh, Kouga," I purr, "What do you think Inuyasha does when he comes back from your little boy playtimes?" I pause dramatically, cocking my head like I really want him to answer, but I don't and he doesn't. "He tells me every single detail of everything you do." He swallows hard and starts to blush. "While he's doing me," I conclude, topping off that sweet cake with the perfect icing.

Do I really _know _Inuyasha? Only better than the dog knows himself. And then some.

Dewa Kore De,

Kagome


	22. Entry 22: Totally TMI

2 Aug 2011

Note: Written for "TMI" prompt at LJ comm I-B-4-Y.

**Dear Diary: Totally TMI**

Dear Diary,

A girl should tell everything to her diary, right? I mean, that's what a diary is for, after all. Telling everything. But after this morning, I'm not so sure.

There's a certain subject I haven't written about in a long time. A certain someone. A certain evil someone that I should totally not have the hots for even if his Lord Hitomi face is so pretty I can't stop staring at it and his hair is so luxurious it makes even Sesshoumaru envious. I'll definitely stop him from getting all the jewel shards. I'll kill him if I have to. Naraku biting the big one is part of my happily ever after with Inuyasha, and I'm gonna have that no matter what. But still…

Remember that time we were fighting him and he got all tentacly and slipped one to Sango? I was totally grossed out but so totally jealous. Why Sango? I'm prettier than her! My hairstyle is better, and my skirt is shorter, even if her slayer costume is skin-tight and makes Miroku hard as Hiraikotsu every time he sees it. So why her and not me?

Mostly, after that day I just tried not to think about it. Sango denied everything. Middle of a fight, she said, I must have imagined it. Maybe Naraku implanted the image in my mind. Then she backed off that angle and acted like if anything did happen, she was hypnotized or something. She babbles something about Kohaku, and where her poor zombie brother is concerned, you can hardly deny that she's pretty messed up. Still, I was curious and she wasn't telling.

Anyhow, this morning, I wasn't even thinking about Naraku or his tentacles. I was just going to pee. Just as I was squatting, out pops Naraku with his dirty little laugh. He's totally Hitomi, hair all wavy and blowing in the breeze, and I can see he's hard in his hakama. I scramble back and tell him if he comes a step closer I'll scream for Inuyasha, but he just smiles. Then it starts. Those long, black, oily tentacles grow from out of his back, making this horrible squidgy sound and smelling worse than Miroku's farts. I'm horrified and totally getting wet at the same time. I know. I'm so sick.

But my back is against a tree and there's no way to run without him catching me. My throat is tight and I can't get words to form. I don't know whether I want Inuyasha to rescue me or not. I mean I do but I don't and I'm dizzy and shaky and Naraku's hand is in his hakama, jerking himself off as a big juicy tentacle starts slithering up between my legs. Up and up, slick and slimy but warm and firm and knowing just where it's going.

The rest? That's TMI, even for a diary. Let's just say I totally see why Sango didn't admit how much she liked it.

Dewa kore de,

Kagome


End file.
